


first light

by natsume (akc)



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, M/M, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:46:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21853159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akc/pseuds/natsume
Summary: Felix isn’t sure what to say. He stares at Dimitri, slumped on the ground, curled into himself in a manner more creature than human, and wonders if it might be better to not say anything at all.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 4
Kudos: 56
Collections: 2019 Dimilix Holiday Exchange





	first light

**Author's Note:**

> this is my gift for sydney for the dimilix holiday exchange!! I chose the prompt "Felix finds Dimitri in the monastery sometime before the end of the timeskip to see the monster he has become." tried to make the ending a Little.... hopeful. regardless I had a really nice and thoughtful time writing it!

It is early in the morning.

The moon is still overhead, though, lurking silently. It watches Felix as he makes his way across the bridge that leads into the cathedral, walking in what could almost be slow motion. That’s what it feels like, at least. He is certain that the moon would agree. 

Felix had promised to come back to the monastery. He had promised, and so he has to keep the promise, even if being here makes his skin crawl and his throat ache. Having to stare at all the wreckage and the selfishness that surrounds him is a very clean-cut way to sour his mood. 

He’s walked around nearly the entirety of Garreg Mach—save for the cathedral itself—in an attempt to see whether or not anybody else is here, but it seems as though he’s the only one so far, with the exception of a few cats and dogs. Felix wonders who has been feeding them. He knows that they’re able to fend for themselves, but…

…Something seems strange. Something  _ feels  _ strange. The way that the animals were acting when he walked past them earlier was almost as if they were waiting for him. 

Felix looks up at the moon one last time before steeling forward and marching towards the gate. He notices, eyes widening, that there is a large chunk of debris from part of a wall underneath the gate, keeping it from closing completely.

Felix frowns. 

He slips underneath the gate and puts a hand on the hilt of his sword, glancing from side to side. The silence is uncomfortable—irritating, almost; it’s trying to wrap a hand around Felix’s neck and choke him into fear, but there’s absolutely no chance he’ll give in to that. Not if he can help it, anyway. 

He takes a few more cautious steps forward and stares at the large iron doors that lead to the inside of the cathedral. There is, of course, no quiet way to go about opening this thing, and so if anybody (or any _ thing _ ) is past these doors, they will certainly be aware of Felix’s presence.

He could just not open the doors. But, well—he’s already here, and has already prepared himself for something, so it might be best to just say fuck it and head inside. 

Felix pushes one of the doors open. It creaks in the same way that it used to, and something about this only deepens his frown.

After giving it a quick look-over, Felix notes that the cathedral is two things: one, dark—the only thing providing any light comes from the moon, which shines down thanks to a large hole in the ceiling—and two, completely quiet. Not even a cricket’s call echoes in the empty space. 

“It might just be me here,” he mumbles to himself, keeping a hand on his sword as he steps over some rubble just in case. It might be a good idea to explore and see if there are any signs of— 

—Suddenly, there’s a noise. Felix freezes. 

It was less of a noise and more of a shuffling around of something. Regardless, though, it was most certainly a  _ thing _ . And Felix isn’t about to take any chances, especially not when he is by himself. 

As it turns out, all Felix needs to do to figure out what made the aforementioned sound is to walk up closer to the rubble pile at the very front of the monastery and turn his head to one of the columns. 

The moon watches him still, tense and with bated breath.

Against the column lies some… shrouded figure, covered by what appears to be a thick, blue cloak-jacket-cape type of thing; Felix can’t tell from this position what exactly it is. He takes one step closer and then, all at once, he realizes what he’s looking at.

Dimitri.

It’s because of the hair. He knows that it’s Dimitri because of the hair. Bright, blond, and unmistakably belonging to  _ him.  _ Felix notices, though, accompanied by the sensation of bile crawling its way up his sternum, that his hair is now long and scraggly, clearly not taken care of. 

It doesn’t seem to be just his hair that isn’t taken care of, though—it’s all of him. Dimitri’s skin is covered in dirt and grime and old blood; his clothes are caked in dry mud. His face looks as though it has not experienced sleep in ages. It appears to be almost painful. 

Felix isn’t sure what to say. He stares at Dimitri, slumped on the ground, curled into himself in a manner more creature than human, and wonders if it might be better to not say anything at all.

Something in his chest feels sad, and Felix hates it. He hates the sadness. He hates it more than anything—so much so that he has been turning it into anger his whole life. And this is most definitely  _ not  _ the time to be getting emotional. 

He takes a deep breath. He lets the sadness turn into anger.

“We were looking for you,” Felix finally says. His voice echoes all the way through the cathedral and even out of the giant hole in the roof. Despite his mental proclamation of being  _ angry  _ and not  _ sad,  _ his voice doesn’t sound very angry at all.

Dimitri does not turn to face him, though. Instead he stares forward at nothing, as if Felix wasn’t even there.

“For a  _ while _ ,” Felix adds, hoping to garner even the slightest of reactions. It doesn’t work, though, as Dimitri continues to stare at nothing.

This, incidentally, is enough to turn the sadness into anger.

Felix takes a few steps towards the column. “Hey,” he says, snapping his fingers. “Look over here, boar.”

Dimitri says nothing. Felix wants to rip his own hair out. 

He moves to stand directly in front of Dimitri because he’s already sick of playing around like this. It is taking so much out of him to shove away the sorrow he’s feeling; he tells himself to  _ think about how hard you searched for him. Think about how long you spent looking. Think about all the hours you spent worrying. Think about—  _

—Suddenly, Dimitri tilts his head up to look at Felix and, just for the shortest of moments, time comes slowing down to a stop. 

Felix can’t make his vocal cords work. 

“What?” Dimitri asks, voice low and covered in tar. “What?”

_ Fucking get it together,  _ Felix thinks to himself. He lets out a heavy exhale through his nose and furrows his brow. If he were Mercedes or Ingrid or maybe even Sylvain, he would be bending down to Dimitri’s height right now and extending a sympathetic hand to him, asking if he’s okay and so on and so forth. 

But—he isn’t any of those people. And so he will continue to stand.

“Don’t you care about how…” Felix pauses, searching for the right words, “...about how much we searched for you? How much sweat we wasted over you?”

“No. I don’t want to be found.”

Felix thinks that smoke already might start coming out of his ears. “It doesn’t matter? Is that what you’re saying?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Dimitri echoes, in an unbearably lonely way.

Felix clenches his fists together and tries to steady his breathing.

Overhead, the sky begins to turn a beautiful light pink and orange color. Sunlight breaches into the cathedral, unwelcomed and unfitting. Because of the way the roof has been broken, a shadow ends up being cast over the two of them.

_ Appropriate, _ Felix thinks.

He sighs, trying to not let this make him feel… too many things. “Good to know that I was just wasting my time, then.”

“Yes,” Dimitri rasps. “I am a waste of time.”

“That’s not what I was—”

“Don’t try to make me feel better. It’s not going to work.”

Somewhere outside, a crow caws, and all at once Felix realizes how sick he feels. He doesn’t want to be here. He doesn’t want to see Dimitri like this, all small and helpless and vacant. It’s not who Dimitri is. It’s not who Dimitri  _ was.  _

“I’m going,” he says, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m not making this my problem.”

And, just as he had at the start of their short-lived conversation, Dimitri does not reply. He simply turns his head back to the place it was looking at before, as if he were watching someone.

Nobody is there. 

This is futile. At least—for now, this seems to be futile. Somewhere inside of him, Felix hopes that Dimitri can come back. He isn’t sure where exactly he has gone, but surely it must be something that isn’t holding his mind hostage.

Surely. Surely. Surely.

Felix leaves the cathedral without saying another word. He puts a hand on the stone wall outside of the metal gate, giving his brain a moment to catch up with his environment. Nausea is still washing over him. It feels terrible. It feels ugly. There is a jagged stone in his throat. 

Felix realizes, suddenly, just how empty he feels. 

He refuses to accept the emptiness. 


End file.
